I don’t know about you but the “winter blues” is in full effect! I’ve never lived anywhere else other than San Diego so I would say I am spoiled by the naturally beautiful weather we get year round.. but…this rain and cold weather has got me feeling all the feels! I told myself that January would be “focus on me” month. So with it being dark and cold I am actually embracing it (finally). Some days I wonder what my purpose is, I question if I am wasting time, I wonder and ask all these “what if” questions. I realized it is okay to have down time, it is okay to not always have positive upbeat days. To work all day and to come home to sit on the couch is okay if you are always on the go. My husband and I don’t have any kids yet so I have been told to take advantage of having down time. We have a fur child though- Griffey. He’s a pup but is away for a few more days (he has been in this doggy boot camp training class). He is actually my motivation to go on runs and take longer walks so with him being gone I have been lacking the work outs! But that is okay.
This month I taken the time to read Zen and the Art of Happiness, work on my blog (something that I have been procrastinating on for a very long time), I am going to bed earlier and getting plenty of sleep, and just chilling. The last 6 months have been challenging. I lost my sister/best friend to suicide. I have basically been on a roller coaster ride of emotions and I am finally feeling like myself again. Those daily flashbacks of that phone call I received and having to tell my parents, the crying, the depression, the “what could I have done to prevent this from happening!” thoughts are slowly fading away. I am now only focusing on the happy times and memories my sister and I shared for the last 29 years.
Life is not always rainbows and butterflies. Living through grief and figuring out my new normal has been challenging but has turned me into a stronger person. There is so much life to live and I wish my sister saw that. Although I have been feeling like a crazy person feeling so emotional, my sister has motivated and encouraged me. I am stronger because of her, I love more, I know I cannot control everything, I am trusting the process, and taking life day by day.